CIORAN Episode 3: Blind Vision
Kay-Y98 narrates: I am deeply worried about my friend, Arthur. He's been immersed in his work, but lately, I've noticed a change in him. *sigh* Well, that change has a beginning—it started with Kondi-R59, her departure. When we sat in the bus, Arthur looked at me differently. It was no longer eyes that held passive imagery; it was something else. It was like he wanted more. But who could want more within this paradise? Our needs are catered for; the rhizome replenishes our emotional needs. Pulling the plug was part of the cycle, and Arthur knows. Yet, there was something in him that I started to take note of—dissatisfaction. Unlike the ennui, dissatisfaction is a theoretical concept. The teachings of the Eunuchs were that greed and desire were at the root of the problem of man, which had been curbed in our world. We had more than enough. What is Arthur looking for? What does he seek to satisfy him?
These were my questions as I went to Kondi-R59's departure. I saw them together. After Kondi-R59's father gave a powerful speech, I saw it. Kondi and Arthur headed out. The rest were engaged in regular discourse. I decided to follow them.
And then I saw them through the window. Kondi was talking to Arthur, and she was erratic.
At that moment, I felt a cold hand tap my shoulder. I turned in fear to realize it was Enforcer Zane.
Enforcer Zane: Where is Kondi? It is time.
Kay-Y98: Erm, they are outside... I mean, she is outside.
Enforcer Zane: She is out with someone? Let me see.
Kay-Y98 narrates: He moved towards the window and saw Arthur and Kondi together. His brow furrowed. Quickly, he dashed to the room, returning with Kondi's mother. Together, they went outside. I was still looking at the window. Kondi just hugged Arthur and... wait, she whispered something to him. I saw it.
Kay-Y98 narrates:
I watched Kondi pass by me, led by her mother. That would be the last time I would see her. Enforcer Zane and Arthur remained, still talking. I walked out of the house that day, wondering. What did Kondi tell Arthur, and why was it a secret? Maybe I was overthinking things.
The following day, I went to work, staring blankly at the static, adjusting modulators. There was nothing, but this preoccupied our time. Soon it was the close of the day. I casually walked to the bus when I heard,
Arthur: Kay, save a space for me.
Kay-Y98: Arthur came and sat by me. He pulled out a notebook. I saw his handwriting and the words which said "madness." Why would he write something like that? So, I asked,
Kay-Y98: Why are you staring at that word?
Arthur: I want to understand it, to catch its spirit.
Kay-Y98: Are you joking? There are dictionaries everywhere, and madness is a sickness. It means to be abnormal.
Kay-Y98 (narrates): Arthur pressed further, but my mind was racing. Why is he asking such stupid questions? And then, I gave him feedback that changed everything. As I originally stated, passivity was the norm; with work, pleasure with the rhizome was all we looked forward to.
But Arthur had a moment I can’t seem to describe. His face lit as though something transcendent had anointed him. His face glistened with an enthusiasm I had not seen before. And worse, it didn’t come from the rhizome; it came from a conversation. Dead eyes became a lightened pathway. When I looked into his eyes, I could see something emerge from its depth. It was different, but it felt... good.
Kay-Y98 (narrates):
I got home and plugged into the rhizome that day, waiting to bathe in its bliss. Today was weird, and I needed something; I needed to feel the Rhizome's kick for me to make progress. I plugged into the machine, waiting for its waves and billows to carry me, but I felt... I felt nothing. I got up from my bed in a frenzy, adjusted the intensity of the rhizome, and plugged into it again. And yet... it was nothing
. By the Eunuchs, what was going on? I adjusted it one more time to the highest, and I felt nothing. I could feel my heartbeat. Its symphony and tune were that of despair. This could only mean one thing—I... I have ennui. It wouldn’t be long until I developed symptoms of hysteria and became spasmodic. Soon, I would have to pull the plug on myself as well. It’s protocol within Cioran to report when one has the ennui. That is because the machine sends data of all those who plug into it to the source. Anyone who doesn’t plug in is caught, and the person is dealt with. But in my lifetime, no one has disobeyed this rule. I lay on my bed not knowing what to do. Something in me was broken, and there was no way to fix me. My end had come.
Kay-Y98 (narrates):
I pretended everything was fine. I wanted to tell Arthur first so he could help me report. I had the ennui now. The following day, I saw Arthur, but before I could call him out, I realized something about him had changed. Arthur had a look like he was looking forward to work, and I had never seen that before.
I decided to observe. I would cast glances at him. He was enthusiastic now. He seemed to be... enjoying it. I had never seen anyone look at those static screens with so much curiosity, but he seemed to have fun. He was happy. What was going on, and what was it that made this man transform from a passive person into this optimistic person?
I observed him for days. I was not enthralled by what he was doing that I forgot about my condition. Seeing him work with determination and drive was something I longed for. And the fact is, he didn’t get this kick from the rhizome.
Then, one day, I saw him. He adjusted his machines and wrote down something. I saw him, from a serious face to an eye-widening expression. Something from the static had called out to him…
To be CONT’D…
